The last few weeks have been an absolute roller coaster. Some amazing opportunities have come my way (after a lot of determination and persistence!!) and something that has completely shaken me to the core. So much so it has forced me to question my personal identity. Unfortunately, this hurdle is also life changing. It’ so new, and so raw that even my closest friends will be reading this, and thinking ‘what the fuck…’. It will remain that way too.
But, tonight, I felt hope. The type of hope that doesn’t come from someone saying ‘it will be ok’. I watched a beautiful piece about Chrissie Swan on A Current Affair. Not a show I would typically watch, but this I wanted to see. It was her being open and honest about who she is. Choices she regrets and choices which changed her life for the better.
What shocked and amazed me was how closely my thoughts aligned with hers. We are both confident, fat women. We both have dreams, we are both motivated by fun and we both stare directly into the eyes of our haters and failure. We are both opportunists and love life. We both give it a go. We both live with openness and love. And there is no question that we both believe the size of our asses just doesn’t matter.
I’m not a religious person, but I do believe things happen for a reason. I believe I was meant to watch her tonight. I needed it to remind me who I am and what’s important to me. I’ve had a week of questioning myself and that’s enough in it’s current format. It is time to realign myself with what matters to me -persistence, hope, dreams, honesty and action.
I put on Facebook that Chrissie Swan is my new hero. But, I agreed with so much of what she said. She reminded me, of me. Isn’t the thought that my new hero reminds me of me, intriguing? I certainly thought so because it dawned on me that maybe that’s how I see myself. She is my new hero. But, I have always been my own hero. To realise that is pretty powerful. A friend responded with “I would say that is because you are not aiming to be anyone other than yourself. That’s a wonderful thing.” What a shockingly stunning truth.